Bought The Shred DVD

Jillian Michaels looks completely bad-ass. I also got some yarn out of the deal (completely unrelated, but I'm excited to make Anthony a blanket).

I'm trying to pump myself up. If I dread this then I won't do it. I'm already afraid that I won't do it ... but if I DO it, I will get results. That's a guarantee. I might not look like a super-model in a month, but SOMETHING will happen. I just have to try to keep that in mind.

My eating plan went completely by the wayside today. I didn't eat poorly, just did something different. Ate some veggies and had leftovers instead of lunch meat. But I did stick with my 2-coffee limit and 1 soda ... I'm having another one now with dinner, but that's okay.

Aaaand, I just spoke with my aunt for like, 45 minutes. I'm too tired to write anymore. I'll update more tomorrow morning when I wake up with Anthony.

Sleep is Good

I finally got a decent amount of sleep, which is very important for your overall health. Of course, getting sleep with a baby is sometimes a laughable cause, but it's one we should strive for nevertheless! So, in that area, I feel better.

Shopping last night was a bust. But that's okay, I can shop online and use the gift cards. So far I will have about $40 leftover. I don't really see anything else that I like enough to spend money on. I didn't place the order last night because I was afraid that I was just going to buy something to just spend the money that was burning a hole in my pocket, but there are several things that I do think are really cute.

Here's my eating plan for today:
Breakfast: Honey Nut Cheerios & 1% milk
Lunch: Oven Roasted Turkey Lunchmeat & Barbecue Chicken Lunchmeat (we're out of bread, lol)
Dinner: Pot Roast with Veggies

Snacks: I have nuts at work ... so some mixture of sunflower seed kernals, almonds, and dry roasted plain peanuts

So, The Shred (as it shall hereafter be called, mwahaha) begins this Sunday! I am both excited and scared out of my mind. I had an old school chum (I'm weird, I know) tell me that it was awesome, so I hope it doesn't kill me because she said Jillian gets you great results. I get paid this Thursday and I'm going to try to buy it used off of Amazon, but I don't think it'll get here in time, so I'll probably just hit up Target or Walmart. It's only like $9.00 (plus one more 5 lb hand weight, so let's say $15.00 max).

I plan to do each day of the workout in the morning after I get up with my son. He usually wakes up between 4 and 5, and then hangs out in his swing for a bit and possibly takes a small nap before he and Daddy leave for daycare around 7-ish. So I should be able to find 20 minutes to do the workout and 5 minutes to stretch/recover/down some serious water. I also figure this will prevent me from using the excuse that I'm too tired to do it when I get home from work.

Things I'm looking forward to:
+ Not being incredibly self-conscious about my arms
+ Toning my abdominal muscles back into place from pregnancy
+ Toning all over, in general
+ Losing weight & becoming healthier

Things I'm scared of:
+ That I'm too heavy to do this workout program; I'm afraid I will get frustrated and give up
+ Essentially, I'm afraid it will be too hard for me and I'll give up
+ Self-sabotaging

But that's where the idea of a support system comes in, right? People to help you through when you need it ... Yeah, that's it. ;)

We shall see!

And I wonder why I'm overweight ...

Here's what I've ingested so far today ...

1 cookie for breakfast (ha!)
3 cans of Vanilla coke
1 regular sized Pepsi from Taco Bell
3 Pizza Hut breadsticks with sauce
1 TB bean burrito with jalapeno sauce
1 candy cane

... I didn't plan ahead today at all, which is why I had such poor food choices. I didn't have enough time this morning to plate myself up some leftovers. And now I'm really hungry because of the crap I've eaten today, but I feel really bloated, too.

Oy. I need to plan better!

I'm one of those Type A's that needs a list anyway, so planning and I are BFFs. If I am going to be successful with weight loss — and anything, really — I need to be able to plan ahead and not self-sabotage (which is SO easy!).

Anywho, I get to go shopping tonight. I'm a little iffy about buying myself new clothes right before I attempt an exercise program, but hey, they will still fit for a little while, and I can pull a Stacy & Clinton and get things tailored down a little bit later if need be. I need to feel like I look good NOW. That goes along with what I referenced in my previous blog post as living life now and not 'waiting for life to begin.' I'm going to try to figure out how to explain that better, because I don't know that it makes sense to anyone but myself ...

So tonight I shall go and try and find some gorgeous clothes and shop some (hopefully) super sales. Hope I'm not too disappointed by prices and the reflection in the mirror!!

The Beginning

I will be starting the 30-day shred on January 3, 2010, with a group of girls (women ... mothers) from TheBump.com.

The 30-day shred is an exercise program by Jillian Michaels — aka the woman from The Biggest Loser that kicks your @SS. You can't say that she kicks your butt ... because that simply does not do it justice. Jillian kicks your ass.

So this will be my journal of measurements and pounds, frustrations and triumphs, as well as a major bitch-fest of when I'm too damn sore to think, feel anything else, or move. I will try to use this as a food journal as well, as one of my New Year's resolutions is to cook more and try new recipes. I do love to cook, I just find it difficult to accumulate the vast variety of ingredients and stay within budget.

Hopefully this will be a transformation of more than just my body. I also hope that I will depart on a journey of self-improvement and discovery: to learn more about my bi-polar disorder and how to handle it in my every day life; learn how to love myself in spite of the way that I look and my bi-polar disorder; to realize that I am living life right now and to not wait until such-and-such a time to do something because that's when I will embark upon a phase of life that I have seen played out in the lives of others or on TV.

This will be a journal of goals and, hopefully, achievements. I will try to hold myself accountable while realizing that I am also human.

Well ... here goes nothing!!